I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?
But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?
Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)
Or any sentence containing the word “finally”.
If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.
Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.
I demand to know why I can’t hit add a million more likes to this post.
I… I didn’t even realize but yeah.. My parents used those exact phrases constantly.
All it did was make me feel super exhausted, awkward, and or embarrassed whenever I do anything and they respond like that.
I recently pointed out to my therapist that because she had been praising me for little things (walking by myself outside, scheduling, taking steps to write a resume and apply for work, very basic tasks that people normally don’t struggle with), I had started feeling energized whenever leaving her office. It would give me enough confidence and energy to actually feel like I could take on more things.
This is so important.