Scam Artist: “Hi you just won a travel package for the low price of 600 dollars! This offer is valued at 3500 dollars and we’ve lowered the price just for you! This offer is ONLY available today, and ONLY available during THIS phone call! Are you 28 or older?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Scam Artist: “Lemmie tell you all about this package! *lists off details for twenty minutes while I think of a fun way to tell this scam artist off*”

Me: “I don’t have six-hundred dollars, I have no money, have you heard about the wildfire in California?”

Scam Artist: “Of course I have, it’s all over the news”

Me: “Yeah I’m evacuated I don’t have money for a vacation right now, maybe my mom does, lemmie ask her about this.”

Scam Artist: “Your mom? Why would your mom pay for it?”

Me: “Well because I don’t have money, first off, and I live with her, she has money, like at least 600 that’s ripe for the taking.”

Scam Artist: “You said you were over 28. It’s 2018 and you live with your mom?″

Me: “Yeah, funny story, my house burned down yesterday so I live with my mom now, crazy how the world works, eh?”

Scam Artist: “Your house burned down YESTERDAY?”

Me: “Siiiiiiiigh! In the wildfire in California, you said you were keepin’ up with the news, man, don’t lie to me”

Scam Artist: “Well then it sounds like you could really use a vacation”

Me: “Yeah, a vacation would totally get my mind off my dogs that I left behind, forgot to take them out of their cages now that I think about it, whoops, so whaddyou need, a credit card?”

Scam Artist: “Yyyyes, we just need a Visa or Mastercard so you can secure the travel package”

Me: “Sure, sure. You’ve heard about those new Mastercards with the letters mixed in with the numbers, right?”

Scam Artist: “… … Yeah”

Me: “Alright, so the name on the card is Jay Vandlebrook”

Scam Artist: “Okay, could you spell that?”

Me: “Yeah it’s J-A-Y… Vandlebrook.”

Scam Artist: “… And how do you spell the last name?”

Me: “Like, Candle with a V, and then brook.”

Scam Artist: “… Got it.”

Me: *note, I wrote this down so I could read it without any difficulty*
“The numbers are 420… …69… Now here’s where the letters come in…
U-O-Y-K… C-U-F… and then 420 again. Could you read that back to me backwards?”

Scam Artist: “Ah… *hangs up*”